The Damage Caused By Controlling Relationships

Posted · Add Comment

Have you ever had venom spewed onto your heart by those with controlling behaviors? They spew venom when you refuse to give up control over your ways, your thinking, your right to “Be” and be happy, over your refusal to give up your ability to make your choices? The controlling person is adamant that they MUST have control over your being to feel in control of themselves. Little do they know that controlling others will never give them what they truly seek…..which is peace.

These personality types are very VERY toxic in relationships. You can run into them at work, within the family, within friendships, romantic relationships you name it. The real concern here should be what has gotten so out of control within their life to make them want to feel the need to want to control others outside of themselves? “Out of Control” people are always the ones who will try to attain control within from things on the outside of themselves when in reality, the truth of the matter is, that NO ONE will EVER attain control by controlling others.

Change starts from the inside out and CONTROLLING people control others in their attempt to stop the emotional chaos that is going on in their hearts/minds. When a life/mind/heart is splintered, or chaotic, or deeply wounded by life events, that life will go to the ends of the earth to attain that “oneness of heart” back. But human beings can never attain “Oneness” of the heart without the one who gives us life. Human beings were never supposed to be the God over their lives. The Bible says that “Thou shalt have NO other gods but ME.” That “Me” meaning the Lord Jesus Christ. The Jesus, who was and is to come, the healer of the heart/mind/body and soul. And through Him, we can do ALL things, but without Him, we can’t even take our next breath of air. He is the author/finisher of our faith, He knows the number of our days, He knows when a single strand of hair falls from your scalp, or when a tear falls from your eye. HE is the CONTROLLER over the universe, and that role doesn’t include you.

So you see, when controlling people place themselves in the position to control others they are, in essence, trying to play God/Jesus over you life. And no one has the right to control me BUT GOD Himself. Jesus said that He came to set us free so that we would be free indeed! Free to be, free to be Me, or to live and enjoy life abundantly.

Chaotic people, or controlling people don’t want a God or don’t have the trust capacity deep enough from within to believe that Jesus is purely good or that He does love them. They struggle with the fact that God is invisible and since they can’t touch/see Him, then He must not be a reality for their life. I would challenge those types with this one fact:

You can’t see the wind, but you can see the effects of the wind. And just because you can’t see the wind, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or blow. That truth would move me to push you down another path of conversation as well.

Only Christ can reveal Himself to heart. If you are frustrated or angry or feeling alone in this life its only because you’ve never asked Him to reveal Himself to you. Jesus loves you so much, but He’s a gentleman, and He won’t force Himself on anyone’s life. So He will respect your right to go to hell if that’s all you think exists. If you don’t believe in Heaven or Hell, or Angels, or Demons, then that is your right as well. BUT since you can’t see (heaven/hell/angels/demons) doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. Remember the wind? God’s winds are blowing in this hour, and He is not going to change reality just because you’re having a hard time grasping His reality. And I’m not willing to gamble or play “poker” with Christ to bet that my theory was right over His. Because He made the world and set it into existence. And He knew YOU before the foundations of the world. So if He knew me before I was born, then you can bet that He was aware of everything He created to exist before my birth whether in spirit or the natural. This is all a part of simple childlike faith. Believing in something bigger than yourself.

Do you want to know why controlling people won’t give up control? They struggle with giving up control to Him because they think they know better. Not just for their life, but over the lives of those that they torment. The only problem with these types is that they are miserable human beings, bitter to the root within their hearts and so full of fear that they are stuck. “Stuck in their muck/mire of the past traumas.” And so they control to try to keep themselves from feeling alone in that muck/mire. Their fears are so strong that if you dare to confront them about their control issues they fly into a rage over the truth being uncovered or exposed. They call wrong right and right wrong, and they will twist your words in the conversation around to make you feel like you are victimizing them when in reality what they need is a good dose of hard TOUGH LOVE and accountability. And maybe even a swift kick in the arse to jolt them back to being human again. Or loving.

Are you one of these controllers? Are you stuck or frustrated with life, or with the need to have God reveal Himself to your heart today? Are you longing to see the reality of Jesus and to know love, deep love, fulfilling love like you’ve never known love before? Not “cheesy love, but the warm, unconditional love of Christ to love you right there in your muck/mire- with flaws and all- right where you’re are?

Then here- you can see this writing- and Jesus used my vessel to write this post so that HE could reach YOU right there where you’re are. Why do you think this post has had such an impact on your heart today? Because it bore down DEEP to the depth of your being like nothing has ever touched your soul before which is  the hand of God touching you….and He’s here, so pray this prayer with me:

Lord- I’m frustrated and angry at you, at life, and my only way to understand life is to lash out at others through controlling behaviors.  Or inadvertently at You because it’s You I’m mad at) For making me feel like You didn’t care about me enough to make Yourself known to my heart. People have hurt me in this life Lord, and I’m angry about that too- where WERE YOU during these times when they hurt me? Lord, I don’t know if I trust you, but today Lord, I’m willing to try to take a chance to see if you’re real. To give up control to something bigger than myself to see if You are real. Make Yourself Known to me Jesus- if your real- make yourself known to this heartAmen. If you’ve never prayed, the prayer of salvation prays thisJesus, I don’t know you, but I want to. Please forgive me of my sins, and I receive You as Lord and Savior, along with your Indwelling Holy Spirit, and I ask You to come into my life Amen.

Missy Hood

copyright © 2013 Missy Hood